Lady Harley's Monk Escapades
Part I - Trauma
Stevie, I've got a severe crisis! I've slaughtered my Monks tape so much that
the bloody thing has got chewed up and snapped inside my tape deck. That's
never happened before. I could cry. I think I'm traumatised.
I'm completely fucked off big time. I'm away to
weep.
Part II - Insanity
Since I'm still Monkless (sob, sob, hint bloody hint) I've had to resort to
taking some serious action. Since I last mailed you (sometime last week I
think) I've been feverishly sitting here stitching a few sack cloths together
and the half-a-football-turned-inside-out makes a pretty impressive tonsure!
Even if I do say so myself. As for the crosses, well there's no shortage of
them in our house. Though my dad made me one from a couple of kindlers, it's
a bit heavy but it certainly gets everyone's attention when you swing it. I've
also taken to hanging out my window with a full PA system bolted to the window
ledge, this is used for screaming the:- "I'm a Monk, you're a Monk, we're all
Monks, Dave, Larry, Eddie, Rodger! Let's go, it's beat time, it's hop time,
IT'S MONK TIME" when some unfortunate or maybe lucky passer by happens to be
going about their business. This was originally done in the car (habit,
tonsure and large fuck off PA system) but what with the price of petrol these
days and the reflection off my tonsure dazzling other drivers and causing a
few car crashes I decided to call it a day, and anyway mum needed the car to
go to Safeways. Mum is really pleased about my new pastime as she thinks I'm
having a profound religious experience. She keeps checking the palms of my
hands.
YOU THINK SHE'S THE ONLY ONE WHO'S LOST IT? DON'T FORGET TO CHECK OUT
PROFESSOR PATSY'S PATENT PLANS.
Don't forget Lady Harley's Bizarre Surreal Fez Emporium.