The Beginner's Guide to Fezzing
with Duke Marcus of Trouser
Pictured above are the essentials although there are many various
types (on the following pages). With regard to the essential smoking
jacket, beginners can get good cheap gear down at Paddy's Market in
Glasgow (the West End can be steep) or in Göteborg at Uff (Hisingnen)
and Stadsmissionen (Stigbergstorget). Don't pay more than 3 or 4 quid
even if it's only a cheesey dressing gown that you can cut to length.
Avoid the dodgey guy in Brighton who sells the long coats as he's an
arse who doesn't know the first thing about smoking jackets- The Baron
will have to supply the address. Although
he'll tell you what he thinks what you think a smoking jacket is.
If you plan foregoing the smoking jacket, nice smocks such as this one can be found in the Egyptian shop
in Tobalaba metro station, Santiago de Chile (wooden snakes can also be found in
this city at Los Dominicos, Santa Lucia,...etc). Note that there are tons of
second hand clothes shops in Providencia in Santiago, all the way up and down
Avda. Providencia but especially to the Manuel Montt end. Although we haven't yet been
successful, these may be worth keeping on eye on for old cheesey 70's dressing gowns.
A buffoon attempting to fez
Fezzes from the Party Shop (Glasgow), the junk shop opposite the groovy
postcard shop (Brighton) and Buttericks (Göteborg/Stockholm) - 'tashes
at the same places. Returning to Santiago, some fez gear can be found in the city at
some shops around San Pablo 970 (close to the corner of Paseo Punte). These aren't up
to much but maybe worth checking out (I wonder if Lonely Planet would be into us writing a fez section for each of their guides).
Next continent - in Sydney lots of fez shopping can be down in the Newtown area.
In the middle of King St. near Newtown station, opposite Wilson St., Eastern Flair
do decent fezzes for AUD8.
Quite far down King St. (past Faster Pussycat heading towards Tempe) there's shop
selling real Turkish moccalocks (see below) for AUD70 and then on Enmore Road
in the belly dance shop (Amera's Palace, I think) there are turbans and fezzes galore (as well as some
serious dance costumes for the missus).
More advanced fezzers may have a rubber chicken (available from a lot of Chilean pet shops), inflatable fish, eyeball
on a stick, moccalocks (the Party Shop has these although they're way
too small to fit anyone old enough to be on a Fez Night). Other items
which are probably safe for the beginner too include monster fingers,
glasses with noses on and any other hoopla you can think of.
Very advanced fezzers may apply a moustache to their rubber chicken but
this could be dangerous if a beginner attempts it.
As for the ultimate honour of Fez Meister - a sure fire way of obtaining this prestigious
rank is turn up on a Fez night with something really major, for example an eyeball on a
stick (as done by Kebab Hallick), a penny farthing cycle, a kaiser
helmet, a spider monkey wearing a fez, waist coat and complete with a pair of
cymbals, a complete Indian orchestra complete with a glow in the dark sitar, an inflatable
fish which talks and buys all the booze, a snake skin smoking smoking jacket complete
with matching fez and wearing the snake as your moustache.
Remember the above are just suggestions - use your imagination fool!
Check out the gallery daddy-oh.